Confession: I’m a fangirl of beauty vlogger, Jaclyn Hill.

I already wrote about how makeup became the spark I needed to get my life started again (here), but what I did not mention was the source of that spark. It was Jaclyn Hill’s videos.

It was another one those awful grief mornings. I pulled the weight of my body up just long enough to have a tidal wave of pain hit me back into bed. It was and remains one of the more frustrating side effects of my grief.

As I laid there in bed I decided to watch a video that someone sent me of a Jaclyn Hill makeup tutorial. So random for me because I have honestly never been a makeup girl. Kevin, my family, and my close friends will testify to that. Hat day anyone?

But something about her video soothed me. Her personality alone spoke to me. Seeing someone who was bursting with light from within really inspired me. It reminded me of the joy I use to have in my life. I instantly remembered the last weekend I had with Kevin. I’ll never forget what he said when he saw me wearing red lipstick for the first time, “Babe… YES!” All those good memories and feelings filled me right up. I didn’t want it to go away.

I know… weird, right? It is just makeup.

You know what I say to that?

Makeup got me out of bed.

Suddenly, I had a reason to get up. I wanted to try to do my make up. I wanted to try and get that “Babe… Yes!” feeling back. I wanted to dedicate my mornings to lighting a good smelling candle, wearing my robe (yes, I’m a MawMaw), playing music and putting pretty makeup on. It made me remember that good feeling again. That desire to live my life again.

Recently, I was reflecting on how the hell I have managed to survive this last year and I began to feel immense gratitude for Jaclyn Hill.

So… I sent her a fan letter.

I felt like such a nerd and I mean, she has 2 million subscribers on YouTube and I’m sending her snail mail. Well, this snail mail gal got a response back! It was a quick video on Snapchat, but out of 2 million people she gave my letter a shout out! She honestly seemed so touched.  It melted my heart to see that she heard me and that she knew her affect in my life. It may seem small, but I wanted her to know that she’s been a piece of my healing.

This grief has taught me many things. This particular lesson is one that I hope to never forget: there is a peace you get when the people you admire most in the world know how you feel about them. From beauty bloggers to family members to your parking attendant to the love of your life.

Tell them.

That peace is just good for the soul.

I have learned it’s true power and lasting effect.

This holiday season, I hope that you are able to gain such peace with the knowledge that all those you admire know how you feel.

Until Next time.