Some of you may not know, but my Kevin was an avid fan of the musical “Les Miserable.” I’m talking about every song, every character, and every line – Kevin Michael Gervais knew it. I pulled this quote from that story when thinking of how to speak about my love for him.

“…the power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only. The rest is the rest and comes afterward. Nothing is more real than these great shocks which two souls give each other in exchanging this spark.”

Our spark began August of 2011. I had just met up with some friends to attend my first-ever Red Dress Run in New Orleans. A few – very – responsible hours later, a boy in a red dress took me by the hand, looked deep into my eyes and said: “I am going to make you fall in love with me.” It was at this moment that two of his friends (Brian & Brad) began the opening dialogue to Lion King’s, “Can you feel the love tonight?”

It has been almost four years since that day and I can tell you there was not one single moment that Kevin didn’t make me feel loved. Even during the many hours that I would wait and wait and wait and wait for that boy to get ready for whatever obligation we had. He always made me feel loved. Some of you may be interested in what he did in all those hours of “getting ready” and I wish I had the answer.

I can only tell you that I wouldn’t take back those hours for anything.

I’ll never forget the random dance sessions that would occur in our kitchen while we made pancakes or the British accent he spoke in when pretending he was my dog, Dobby, talking to me or how safe he made me feel every time I came home. He would even body slam his sisters, his mom and I without regard for our safety. Michael (his cousin), you have to do that now so bulk up.

Kevin went through a long period of self-discovery over the course of our relationship. He would tell me, “I don’t know my purpose in life yet, but I know that I love you.” I feel proud to tell you that not only did I love Kevin, but I had the distinct honor of watching him find his purpose. I witnessed him pick his life up and go after what he wanted. It was like a spark went off inside of him. He no longer stressed about the future or cried about the past, but he lived deliberately in the present.

To my ATO’s, you were his brothers by choice. You lifted him up like no other. You gave him stories to tell or not to tell and you were his foundation. I thank God for the weekend we had together at Bayli and Brian’s wedding before he died where he saw all of you and we had the time of our lives. Me, having too much fun.

To the Gervais and Maher family, I need you to know what a good point Kevin was in his life. He was so happy. So fulfilled. He loved his crazy loud big family. He looked forward to the day that we would merge our families. I want you to know that like it or not you are stuck with me and my crazy loud family. So get ready. I am not going anywhere.

To Kevin, my heart, and soul, I promise you that I am going to live life. I am going to live deliberately and with meaning. You taught me to love fearlessly, to laugh when I want to scream and that it’s okay to cry. You are forever in my heart.

If there is anything that I can take away from this awful pain it is this: Life is going to pull you in directions you never expected. It’s going to tear you down. It’s going to lift you up. You cannot control what’s going to be thrown at you, but you can control how you handle it. Kevin did just that. He shaped his life into one filled with a loving family, wonderful – true friends and a girl that just thought the world of him.