Bitterness can eat you alive.

It’s been a side dish to my main entrée of grief. I don’t intend to let it overtake me, but it’s almost like my pain blinds me to all other emotions. I get bitterness towards everything…

I haven’t heard from them.

He hasn’t checked on me.

She didn’t come see me.

Nothing in the mail today.

This meal is overpriced.

It’s almost like I have this bitterness towards the moving on life has done while I deal with my pain. In my head I’m screaming, Hello?! I have suffered and I need you to make it better!

…Be it a person or a sandwich.

This bitterness started growing over the last few months. I have noticed myself being shorter with people and really not caring about their needs or problems.

I was too busy worrying about my own.

I have probably overused this lesson, but it has held true for me. Any amount of darkness can be cured by balancing it with light.

So that family didn’t reach out to me, well look at the army of loved ones who cook for me, call me, send me flowers and endless hugs.

So that person hasn’t checked on me, look at my friends that have gone out of their way to bring me joy. Through trips, staying up with me on the phone, packages and again many many hugs.

So I overpaid for that meal, damn it was good.

My favorite is the many unexpected angels who have been so gracious to me. Those that have no reason to be so unbelievably kind… I am astounded by them.

So my new year goal (the Jewish new year just occurred) is to stop focusing on my darkness and start spreading some light. I have been blessed with so many beautiful gifts from loved ones (both tangible things and merely moments of love) that I have to give that back.

What could be a better follow up to a year of darkness than a year of light?

Till Next Time.