I found a new freedom in enjoying my life.

Seems simple enough, however, this has been the hardest for me to accomplish. There were about six months of this past year where I only knew pain. I would go about my life in an almost robotic way to the point that it would scare me.

So to finally have some days where I truly felt happy is a beautiful miracle. I can actually feel my heart letting my soul breathe.

A big part of this was making time to see the people I love. There is a freedom in it that I have found. I break free from these chains that tell me all the reasons I can’t….

I am too sad today or I shouldn’t leave work early or I have too much going on or it’s too far of a drive or I’m just too tired or I can’t be around people …

Normally, I’d give into these chains, but now something inside of me screams:

JUST F****** DO IT!

Mercy.

The high I get from making a simple decision for my happiness is unreal. Also, the high I get from cursing is unreal.

I drove six hours to Nashville to see a soul sister of mine and I don’t think there was one hour of the drive that I wasn’t smiling.

I went to an LSU game with my best friend and got sick that morning (S/O to her bf for not hating me for that), but standing inside that stadium with my best friend is something I’ll never forget.

I drove to see my cousin’s sweet new baby after a tough work week, but the look on her precious son’s face was worth it.

Just going and doing just feels so freeing for my soul. I keep picturing my favorite episode of Parks and Rec where it’s Treat Yo Self Day. (If you haven’t seen it, then stop what you’re doing and go watch it now.) Every day should be Treat Yo Self Day.

As my grief journey has taught me there will always be a balance. I still have moments of pure pain. While this beautiful Fall weather has been healing for my soul… the cold front we had yesterday about killed me. It flung me right back to November of last year. A tidal wave of pain and grief washed over my whole being.

A good friend reminded me of how far I have come from that heartbreak. He was right. I know these painful moments will hit me from time to time, but remembering how far I have come gives me strength. Especially when Kev’s sweet friends send me some humor in those moments.

I think of Kevin in my moments of pain and I think of him in my moments of joy. I know that in both he is there giving me his strength and his love. Also, he’s most likely trying to make me laugh.

No matter what circumstances may have fallen upon us, the love we share is everlasting. Isn’t that really the beauty of two souls loving each other?

Till Next Time.