I am proud of how far I have come. I am actually able to enjoy my life. This time last year I absolutely did not think that was ever going to happen again. I like where I live and I like having roommates again. Maybe it’s my recent Friends binge watching on Netflix, but I’d like to…
Category: Grief
I am Thankful.
This Thanksgiving I am thankful. I am thankful for my parents and my family who searched every hospital to find Kevin, who kept me on the phone so I wouldn’t wreck, who drove a thousand miles to be with me once we knew what happened, who stayed with me until I got back on my…
The Fictional Antidote
I know it can be daunting to help a loved one who is grieving. I also know that everyone is different in what they need or want when they’re hurting. For a long time, I have been so lost in my pain that I haven’t been able to fathom how it can be helped by…
A Eulogy.
Some of you may not know, but my Kevin was an avid fan of the musical “Les Miserable.” I’m talking about every song, every character, and every line – Kevin Michael Gervais knew it. I pulled this quote from that story when thinking of how to speak about my love for him. “…the power of…
My Inner Battle.
October and I were not very good friends so I’m trying to make nice with November. I let my anxiety get the best of me and it overtook my body. Your health can only take so much of that. Sometimes I don’t even realize I am doing it. My shoulders tense up, the acid in…
Fall, damnit.
We have finally seen a few signs of fall weather in Mississippi and I hate it. The very scent of a pumpkin candle makes me want to punch a wall. Fall is normally my favorite season. From football to Oktoberfest beers to warmer clothes that hide my pale skin and hearty fall food. I love…
A Man and His Robe.
I remember his family asking what I wanted to keep. What did I want to keep? I want Kevin. Nothing else mattered. We continued packing up his things. 800 pairs of shoes, fraternity shirts, and more shoes. I imagine Kev’s closet in heaven has an entire section for shoes. Packing up his life was an…
Fighting For Good Days.
I knew I needed to get help about the second month after the funeral. I moved out of my apartment, my family went home, I went back to work and it was the time I start life. This time without Kevin. Facing that reality somehow felt like a relapse. It got painfully quiet and I…
You’re Going to be Okay.
That’s the biggest lie anyone could tell me. My soul has been torn apart and my entire world has been changed forever. That sounds like such a grand statement and even I can’t fully believe I am applying it to myself, but it’s true. Kevin holds so much of my heart and to have it…
Little Black Dress.
There is a dress in my closet that I’ll probably never wear again. It’s a beautiful dress from a friend’s boutique. It carries the smell of the funeral home that I can never seem to get out. I remember being told by my family that I needed to get a dress. After all, I hadn’t packed a formal…
Hello.
November 26, 2014, is the date my life changed forever. I experienced the devastating loss of someone I considered to be the love of my life and my soul mate. After several months of dealing with this grief, I have found that hugs, words, and love from others can be life affirming. Nothing, however, gives me…
Learning to Live Life Deliberately 