Different day. Same battle.

Someone else got the happiness that I wanted.

Nothing happened to me. They didn’t do anything to me or because of me.

But tell that to my emotions.

I took a long walk because it wasn’t so freezing out this weekend. My head was all over the place. I started talking to Kevin…

I love you. I’m sorry I’m not good at this being happy for others thing just yet. I know I’ll get there. For now, dammit, it makes me miss you. On good days. On bad days. I miss you. 

I started to sprint and then I promptly stopped because I am a wimp. I started laughing.

I know you are laughing at me too. I can hear you telling me to just run to the other side of that tree. Bite me, I’m tired and you’re not here to push me. I wish we took more walks and sprints like this one. I’m sorry we didn’t take more of them. Was that what hurt your heart? Shit, I better keep running. 

I start to run to clear my mind, again. I start to notice the beautiful homes all around me.

Aren’t these beautiful? God, all we ever wanted was a place we could call our own. I still picture myself coming home, you sitting on a porch waiting for us and then our kids running into your arms. For so long you were my future… how do I change that? It’s all I can still picture. That home. That porch. Those kids. Now that’s gone? I can’t wrap my head around it.

I began to burst into tears and I sat on a random curb. Something jumps on my back. It’s a cat… I am in no way shape or form a cat person. Not in the least. Kevin knew this about me. In fact, I would tell him how thankful I was that he didn’t have a cat and then he told me a story about a cat he loved named Tyson.

I’ll let his friend Jonathan Brumfield tell you about Tyson.

Anyway, this cat leaped into my arms and started snuggling on me. I was kind of in shock, but I thought the cat was actually cute. He just started loving all on me. I began petting him…which DOES NOT HAPPEN WITH CATS. I stopped crying, though.

Kev… what is this cat? He’s so sweet. Is this from you? 

The cat begins nestling his head in my chest. So, I just sat there with him for a while. Holding him. Letting him lay on my lap. Friends who know me are cringing. Hell some version of me was cringing. . . but he was different.

Okay, this cat is sweet, but I need to get to walking again. Wait… why is this cat following me. No seriously….haha He’s still following me. Oh gosh. I mean okay? What?

The cat followed me for a mile… he just kept walking by my side. I eventually sat down to pet him again.

Kev, I love this little ball of fluff that is attacking me with love, but… you know me well. I can’t keep a cat. I’m sure he has an owner too. Right?

The cat plopped himself down on some person’s yard and just laid there. I started walking away and he didn’t follow.

Hey, maybe I’m crazy. I won’t argue that. I will tell you that this random feline came into my heart right when it was breaking. So, there’s that.

 

Dobby, if you’re listening I still love you the most!

Hopefully, those that read this understand this is an excerpt of my journey. This is not necessarily how I am doing as a whole. This is just a piece of what is and will continue to be a marathon race. Thank God for that because I suck at sprints.

Until Next Time.