Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am the most chill and laid back person.

…No, sorry that was Kevin. I am the complete opposite. Nicole may be my middle name, but it might as well be Worrier. I am not really sure where it started, but ever since I can remember worrying has been in my blood.

It has its perks. For instance, my worrying has been a great source of comedy for my family and friends. One of my favorite lines from my favorite books describes it perfectly:

“Mr. Bennet… you have no compassion on my poor nerves. ”

“You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends.”

If you know where that is from, then we are friends forever.

It also has its downfalls. Mainly how it takes a toll on my health. Sometimes I get so lost in my worrying that I suck the joy from my current state.

My birthday is a good example of this problem. Every year. I get so much anxiety about my birthday. It is not the fear of getting older, but the actual day itself. I have thought about it a lot and I am not sure why, but I usually hate the day.

Last year was pretty rough. The day of my birthday I attended a funeral of someone I considered to be a mentor.

Such a strange moment for me. Paying respects to someone who’s life has come to end on the day you’re supposed to celebrate the start of your own life. Tell me that won’t make you stop and think. I remember going to a restaurant by myself after the funeral to just think.

I mean what a strange foreshadowing day that was… kind of gives me a chill.

I always stress about stupid things and at the end of the day where does it get me? What in my life really matters

For a long period of my life, I was fortunate enough that death had been kind of distant from me. Then in the Summer of 2013, I lost my Uncle, then in 2014 a mentor and most recently Kev. Men that brought so much joy in my life.

Gone.

I guess worrying will always be a part of my makeup, but I find that the only cure is to focus on what really makes my heart tick. The things that save my soul from being crushed.

My Faith.
My Family.
My Friends.

Outside of that, I let it go.

Till Next Time.