Let me tell you about my love of the band, Mumford and Sons.

I first heard about them from my soul sister, Zoe. I used to make fun of her hipster sad music as I basked in my cheesy pop ballads. I really did not take notice of them until my late Guncle Robby made me listen to them.

No, that was not a misspelling. He was my Guncle. A name we created one Summer I went to visit him as he is both gay and my Uncle. We were so clever. I loved him so much. The man was a born entertainer. At his celebration of life, I spoke of his enduring spirit to entertain a crowd despite his surroundings. Specifically… one late night on a family vacation when we woke up to our hotel room floor being soaked in toilet water. Apparently, it had been overflowing for a quite a while. Before any of us could panic at the disgust that was happening… the man began tap dancing in that toilet water and performed Singing in the Rain.

I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.

Robby was a role model of mine in many ways. He was a brilliant writer, a fabulous cook and an innate giver of love. So, when he said that I needed to give Mumford & Sons a chance that is exactly what I did. He made me a whole CD of all of their songs and sent them to me.

(Side Note: Up until this point I drove a 2002 Dodge Caravan that only had a cassette player, so I was really into CD’s now that my new car had this capability.)

I have honestly never had music touch my soul the way that this band’s lyrics and melodies did. It felt like gospel. Like I was having my own form of worship in my car. To this day my mind gets entranced into their music and my soul feels set free. As much as I love my cheesy NKTOB, they never did this to me.

After a car accident took Robby’s life away, these songs and these hypnotic melodies are what I held onto.  That CD felt like a prayer book left by my Guncle to guide me. There is one song in particular that I remember him explaining to me.

Timshel.

He explained how this song is a reference to John Steinbeck’s East of Eden, where they discuss the importance of Timshel, the Hebrew word, meaning thou mayest. It suggests that we as humans can, in every moment, choose our behavior.

At that time I didn’t realize the gravity of the lesson he was teaching me.

Since then I  have written two obituaries and spoken at two funerals in my life. I have seen what death and grief can do to a human. It can tear your soul apart and bring you to a point where you give up living. You drown in the pain, allowing its waves to overtake every aspect of your life. It is important to remember that no one can save you from yourself.

This has to be done in the depths of your soul.

Where you look within and decide for yourself; I choose life .

Until Next Time.